One of those times
by lunerwerewolf
Summary: Conrad and Yozak have always been good friends and boys will be boys, over the years they have come to an agreement in some cases it's every man for himself, but is this one of those times?
1. Chapter 1

Conrad groaned as he rejoined the land of the living. Oh Great One he hurt, his lower back and butt throbbed with an unusual stabbing pain. His head was currently pounding and the dim light was like a blade stabbing into his partly lidded eyes. His lungs ached, and it was hard to breath with the crushing weight that hovered over him. Sharp and scratchy stalks of hay irritated his naked skin further aggravating his already scratched back. The air around him reeked of stale alcohol. It only took him a minute or two to recognize the slowly waking man, who was currently sprawled, naked, across him.

He moaned and shoved the other man's shoulder weakly with one hand. "Yozak, get off me."

Yozak snorted and opened his eyes before closing them with a harsh, throaty, whimper of pain. "Great One, how much did I have to drink last night?" he muttered.

"I don't know, but I would like you to kindly get off of me you overgrown oaf." Conrart retorted sharply.

Yozak blinked and looked down at him, seeming to notice him for the first time, "sorry," he retorted mildly, attempting to pull his larger frame off of Conrart.

Both men cried out in pain, surprise, and mild alarm at the sharp sensation of their entangled pubic hair being pulled apart. They both froze, startled. Conrart, eyes wide with shock, gave voice to what they both were thinking. "What the hell?"

Yozak, shifted slightly winching as the slight movement pulled sharply on their somehow entangled hairs. Bracing as much of his weight as he could on one hand, he slid his free hand between their equally naked bodies; carefully he scrapped at the skin just above his groin, and to his surprise Conrart yelped. "Sorry," he whispered as he pulled his hand out from between them. He gazed down at what he held lightly clasped between his thumb and index finger.

He flushed an interesting shade of red, at the sight of several of his own ruddy red pubic hairs firmly cemented against several mahogany colored strands, by a familiar dried white substance.

Semen, dried, caked, semen, cemented their pubic hair together as effectively as if they'd poured a bottle of glue between the two of them before falling asleep.

"Well this is awkward," Yozak mumbled gazing down at Conrart.

Conrart glared up at him, "any ideas?" he asked after a second.

Yozak sighed, "I guess the best way to go about this is to just pull our hips apart sharply and try not to scream – anything else will be too painful."

Conrart nodded, "I agree." He said after a moment.

Yozak shifted, and caught Conrad's hips with his hands, gently pushing him down. "on the count of three."

Conrad took a deep breath and met Yozak's eyes, in that moment they where in complete agreement.

"Three." They said simultaneously, bypassing one and two altogether. Yozak jerked his hips up sharply, while Conrart pulled back. Both men bit back swear words at the sharp pain of their pubic hairs ripping free of each other, both sure that they'd lost some hair.

That done, Yozak crawled slowly backwards and sat up off to the side of his friend. Dried semen caked his crotch and spread thin tendrils up to his navel. He glanced over at Conrart, and noticed with mild astonishment that Conrart had semen caked across his stomach, his groin and a lot more of it made up a dried trail across the inside of his thighs.

Idly Yozak wondered how much of it was Conrart's and how much of it was his own. It was quite obvious that at the very least they'd both had some form of physical pleasure last night. Although he was actually fairly certain he'd fucked Conrad senseless, judging by his best friend's grimace as he slowly sat up.

"About last night?" he started mildly.

"It never happened." Conrart interjected firmly.

Yozak sighed with relief, "Good," he replied mildly "because I don't remember Shit."

Conrart looked up at him briefly, his brown eyes lost. "Neither do I." he said after a moment.

"Then maybe this isn't what it looks like," Yozak replied hopefully, while looking around the old Hayloft for their things.

Conrart whimpered as he climbed to his feet. "No this is exactly what it looks like, trust me." He said simply.

Yozak, having finally managed to find one of his saddle bags, dug through it, searching for something they could use to wipe the evidence of last night from their skin. "Are you sure?" he asked quietly. It was hardly the first time he'd had sex while drunk and hardly the first time it was a friend he woke up with, or even the first time he'd woken up with another man. However this was the first time he'd ever woken up in this situation with Conrart.

Hell he didn't even know if the other man was gay!

Conrart snorted, "with how badly my ass hurts, trust me you fucked me last night."

Yozak watched his friend limp off across the old dilapidated Hayloft in search of his things. Still digging through his own packs he finally liberated a mostly empty wineskin and a couple of old rags. Pouring a good amount of the amber liquid onto a rag he tossed both the other rag and the wineskin to Conrart. The other man took the hint and began to clean himself up using the rag and some of the left over wine.

Yozak having cleaned himself up glanced over at his friend as he searched for his clothing. And paled as he noticed the small amount of dried blood that mingled with the semen. He had to ask, even if he normally would have preferred not to know the answer. "Conrart? Have you ever been with anyone before?" he asked after a second.

Conrart paused in the act of cleaning the semen off of his legs. "Weather I have or not is really, none of your concern Yozak, but regardless, let's just say I've never played that role before."

Conrart went back to cleaning himself up, and Yozak looked away. "I- I'm sorry if I hurt you." He said after a minute, pulling on his own pants.

"I'm fine," Conrart replied firmly. "Now let's drop the Subject, last night didn't happen Remember."

Yozak nodded and began gathering his things, he blanched when he came across the small vile he kept in his bags, in case of a situation like last night. But the little vile of lub wasn't even open. He cringed, and glanced over at his best friend, realizing with suppressed horror that he had taken, Conrart dry last night.

"same rules, as always." Conrart said quietly.

Yozak, glanced over at his now mostly dressed friend. "Alright," he said after a moment. He went over to his friend and offered the other man his arm.

Conrart grasped his arm above the elbow, they met each other's gaze. This was an old ritual between them dating back to the days when they were just small children. " Last night never happen," they chorused.

By the terms of this old agreement, as far as they were concerned last night hadn't happened and they were going to treat it as such. This was an agreement not only never to speak of the events of last night, but also a declaration of immunity, if one of them got caught they would deal with whatever trouble they found themselves in alone. It was true that in certain circumstances they could and would intervene for each other. But for now at least they were going to pretend last night hadn't happened at all.

As they climbed down out of the old dilapidated hayloft, Yozak wondered how in the hell they'd gotten up there in an inebriated state without killing themselves. The ladder was rickety and not even secured to the loft and a few of the rungs were not even strong enough to support their weight.

Yozak whistled calling both of their horses, he watched his best friend quietly as Conrart swung up into his saddle, closing his eyes and hissing briefly in pain. He sighed and mounted his own horse.

It was time they went home.

~~~***~~~

Conrad bit back a groan, as he surveyed his men. New recruits… why did they all have to be so damned wet behind the ears? Really how had they even gotten into the army – most of them didn't even know which end of a sword to hold, let alone how to hold it. He bit back the scathing remark he longed to make and simply corrected the young man's stance and grip – for the umpteenth time. He wasn't normally this grumpy, but he had to admit that catching the stomach flu that had been going around the castle of late was not improving his mood.

Not one bit.

So far he'd managed not to vomit in front of anyone but it was a near thing and he didn't think he could keep it up much longer.

He gently repositioned the boy's fingers, trying to enforce the idea that wrapping one's fingers around the crossbar of the sword was a very bad idea. Abruptly he clapped a hand over his mouth as his stomach rolled violently.

He forced the urge to vomit down by the expenditure of all of his self-control and hastily called for one of his men. Andrew came at a run, ready and eager to please. He ordered the man to take over the training session until his return and left to find Gisela.

Not that he really wanted to admit to her that he'd allowed himself to get sick.

However it was better than her finding out he was sick and hadn't come to see her. He really didn't want the 'sergeant' yelling at him right now.

~~~***~~~

Conrart knocked on the frame of Gisela's office door as he entered, the last thing he wanted to do was startle the woman.

She looked up from her paperwork and offered him a small smile. "Conrart," she acknowledged quietly.

His smile turned into a small grimace as his stomach churned, "I think I may have caught that stomach flu, that's been going around." He said quietly, then added, "I was wondering if you have anything I could take to help settle m- " he stopped abruptly as his stomach heaved violently. Horrified by the knowledge that, this time at least, he really was going to vomit; he could already taste it.

Gisela thankfully was quick, and before he could do more then start to heave, she'd risen to her feet and shoved a trashcan under his nose. He grabbed it and promptly lost what was left of his breakfast. Gisela rubbed his back as he continued to dry heave into the trashcan.

"Thanks," he managed after a moment.

She nodded, "why don't you sit down, and I'll get you something for your stomach."

Conrart did as he was told, too tired to put up much of a fight.

A minute later, Gisela returned with a small glass bottle of blue powder. "I teaspoon of this every 4 hours until you no longer need it;" she told him simply, while mixing some of the blue powder into a cup of tea. "However if this doesn't pass within the next 3 days, I want you to come in for a physical." She handed him the cup, as she spoke.

He took a drink and almost immediately his stomach began to settle. He rose to his feet, thanked Gisela for her time and help, and tucking the little glass bottle into his coat pocket left the room to get back to his own job.

~~~***~~~

A.N

Okay so this fic just came over for lunch one day and wouldn't leave and I have an actual paper to write and it wouldn't leave me alone so I started to write it… Mark Twain was boring anyway. So please read and review this is going to be a short one no more than 5 chapters if that, and twain has turned my brain to mush so be nice. Also does Conrad really Just have the stomach flu? What do you think. Read and review.


	2. Chapter 2

Conrart sighed as he attempted to make himself as small as possible on his horse's back. The rain was coming down hard and at an angle rendering his normally waterproof coat, completely useless. The icy cold water ran down his back, and dripped off his hair. He'd been soaked to the bone for several hours, and he was shivering uncontrollably. He glanced over at the two men who rode beside him. _Hadn't they been cadets just yesterday?_

Finally after a few more hours spent in soggy misery they rode back through the palace gates and into the now miraculously sunny courtyard. He swung down off of his horse, handed the reins over to a waiting stable hand and made his way into the palace, to make his report to Gwendal. Although he couldn't help wondering why he was the only one who was wet, hell even his horse was dry.

~~~***~~~

The family had gathered at the table for a formal dinner, as usual Yuri, Wolfram Gwendal and Lady Cecilia refused the appetizer of stuffed mushrooms. Yuri for all he liked mushrooms, just didn't particularly think highly of what they'd been stuffed with. Wolfram and Gwendal on the other hand had inherited their mother's allergy to the fungus. Conrart on the other hand rather enjoyed them.

His father had introduced him to the concept of eating mushrooms on their many travels together. He wondered at the odd taste of these mushrooms though. It wasn't unpleasant, just slightly smoky, and a little woody. He resolved to ask the cook what he'd added to the recipe this time. It wasn't what he was used to but it was good.

~~~***~~~

Conrad limped into Gwendal's office after knocking, and handed the man his report on the training expedition he'd just taken two of his cadets on, in the hopes of cramming the idea of wilderness survival into their thick skulls. Gwendal raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Conrart nodded, water droplets flying from his shaggy main of hair, "I'm fine I just got scrapped out of my saddle during one of my classes."

"You should cut your hair it's getting in your eyes." Gwendal told him simply, "and for Shinou's sake have your uniform pressed."

Conrart snorted, "You should talk," he replied, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Your hair is longer than mother's, I didn't know you wanted the other young noblemen to mistake you for an eloquent lady."

That said he bolted away from his angry elder brother, taking off through the dormant winter garden in an attempt to escape the wrath of his aggravated sibling.

~~~***~~~

Conrad pealed his rain soaked clothing from his body, he should change and make his report to Gwendal on the training expedition he'd just take two of his cadets on, but he was so tired. Before he knew what he was doing he'd fallen face first into his bed. His hair still dripping from the heavy rain, he was asleep before he could even think to pull the blankets up around his nude form.

~~~***~~~

Conrad carefully avoided Yozak; their relationship had been strained since that drunken night they didn't remember.

~~~***~~~

Conrart gasped and moaned as Yozak thrust into him. They'd entered into a sexual relationship three days ago, in the hopes of saving their friendship.

~~~***~~~

"I'm sorry," Yozak said quietly, sitting beside Conrart on the bed. "But we can't keep doing this. I – I love you. But… but like a -"

"Like a brother," Conrart supplied. "Oh thank the Great One , I feel the same way." He leaned against Yozak's arm. "The past two weeks?" he asked quietly.

Yozak ruffled his hair, "Never happened." He replied.

~~~***~~~

Conrad sighed as he entered Gisela's office.

"Conrart," the young healer called, "what can I do for you?"

He offered her a small smile; "I was wondering if you could give me any more of that powder to settle my stomach, I still haven't gotten over that stomach flu."

Gisela glared at him, "I told you to come back 5 days ago if the flu hadn't passed. You are too stubborn for your own good sometimes Conrart! Now get your rear end over to that exam table so that I can properly examine you."

He held up his hands in mock surrender, "alright I'm going, I'm going, no need to tear my head off."

~~~***~~~

"You're pregnant."

"Oh is that all? I thought it was something – _**I'M WHAT????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

~~~***~~~

Gisela sat at her desk watching him as he paced about her office, gesticulating wildly. "I can't be pregnant. That doesn't make sense; I've only ever been with one man. Men can't even get pregnant! I mean I'm no expert on humans but demon men defiantly can't get pregnant! Right?!!!"

"Apparently you can." Gisela replied mildly.

"There has to be some mistake, you ran the test wrong. Do it again!" he shouted, nearly knocking something off her shelf with his hand as he gesticulated.

"I've run it six times!"

~~~***~~~

Conrad stood off to the side of the stall Yozak was currently in, watching his friend tack up his mount for a long ride. How on earth was he going to tell Yozak he was pregnant? It was unheard of, unnatural and downright creepy.

How could he do this to his best friend? He loved Yozak… like a brother. One of the things that made Yozak, Yozak was his free spirit, his sense of adventure. If he told his best friend he was pregnant, all of that would end. He'd be stealing what made Yozak, Yozak.

He couldn't do that.

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Yozak asked once the silence had stretched on too long.

Conrart flushed, recalled to the present. "Um nothing really," he lied, "I just wanted to wish you luck and a safe journey on your newest mission."

~~~***~~~

Conrad passed back and forth, those nights hadn't happened. Yet the consequence of those non-existent nights was growing inside of him. He felt so alone, what should he do? He could deal with the situation of course, but this was his mistake not the child's.

He couldn't terminate the pregnancy.

Taking a deep breath he left the safety of his bedroom and headed down to Gwendal's office, he needed to have a word with his elder brother.

~~~***~~~

Conrad found himself sitting on the rim of an oddly tall ornamental fountain, running his fingers through the still waters, while he watched his brother's practice the sword under Gunter's watchful gaze. Unthinkingly he drummed his heels on the stone side of the fountain.

_I wonder where pa'pa is?_

~~~***~~~

He looked around the room at the seething mess of snakes that was once the wall. Trying to figure out, how the ceiling - also mysteriously made up of venomous snakes- was being supported when there was a three foot gap between it and the wall.

~~~***~~~

Conrart glanced around, making absolutely certain that none of his teachers where around. Thus assured of his solitude, he scaled the walls of the Shin Makoku Royal Military Academy, and slipped off into the night. He was running late. He was supposed to meet Yozak in town in 15 minutes so that they could go partying tonight.

~~~***~~~

The world around him was blank, like he was trapped in a blank piece of earth's paper. He glanced around, alarmed by the empty void. Abruptly something descended out of the all encompassing whiteness; it was long and tapered starting off gray, and shading to brown as the tip widened before becoming a long cylindrical yellow object.

A pencil

A fucking huge pencil

He dove out of the way as it started to draw, trying vainly to escape the engorged writing instrument. He yelped and dodged out of the way again as it appeared in front of him. He scrambled away from the thing continuously trying to avoid being run over. Finally after what felt like an eternity the pencil vanished only to be replaced by a gigantic floating yellow paint can.

It tipped and his world became yellow, startled he pealed himself away from the drawing leaving a man shaped white spot on what he now recognized as a pile of bananas. He shook his head utterly bewildered by this new turn of events. And then the bees appeared.

Enormous

Monstrous

Bees.

Each one was the size of him.

Eyes wide with terror, he ran.

"_Kiddo, go get some more water." Yozak's voice spoke through the din of thousands of buzzing wings._

~~~***~~~

He knocked on Gwendal's door entering as soon as he'd been granted permission. He paused at the sight of Yozak standing just in front of Gwendal's desk. What was he doing home? He'd only just left.

"Ah Conrart, just the man I wanted to see it would seem our boy king has turned up in Caloria." Gwendal told him mildly. "I'm sending you and Yozak to retrieve him. You leave in one hour."

Conrart nodded. Then glanced over at his friend, "Yozak, prey forgive me but I need to speak with my brother alone.

~~~***~~~

Conrart threw his things together, he only had 20 minutes before he and Yozak needed to be on the road. They had a ship to catch, and soon. Gwendal had wanted to keep him home since he was pregnant but after a full 10 minutes of arguing the other man had grudgingly let him go. His brother had also wanted him to marry – although he'd spent the first 15 minutes of their conversation convincing his elder brother that he had not in fact lost his mind. Thankfully he'd won the 'marriage argument' he didn't particularly want to get married.

He'd been in the military long enough that it only took him five minutes to pack everything up and get down to the stables. He was a bit surprised to find Gwendal having a quiet conversation with Yozak. The red head glanced over at him before turning his attention back to Gwendal and nodding his head. "I'll keep an eye on him."

Conrart snorted and set about tacking up his horse, it was a long ride to the docks. He swung up into his saddle and waited for his friend. After a few minutes of talking to Gwendal, Yozak swung up into his own saddle and the two set off. They left the palace and headed down the road towards the port and the ship that would take them to Caloria. After a few minutes spent in silence, Yozak spoke.

"Are you sure you're up to this?"

Conrad turned to look at his friend wondering what Gwendal had told the other man. Gwendal wouldn't and couldn't have told Yozak he was pregnant. Firstly that would have been a serious violation of the sibling code of conduct and secondly Yozak wasn't stupid; if Gwendal had told Yozak he was pregnant there was no way the spy wouldn't have put two and two together.

He may have won the argument about being allowed to go collect Yuri against Gwendal, but there was no way he'd have gotten out of the palace if Yozak knew he was pregnant. The red head would have put his foot down and forced him to stay.

"I'm fine, why?" Conrad asked after a minute.

Yozak sighed, "Gwendal mentioned you weren't in the best of health at the moment?"

"It's nothing to worry about." Conrad replied kicking his horse into a gallop once they were past the city gates.

~~~***~~~

"Conrad, are you alright?" Yuri asked his voice laced with concern, as Conrad dove for the bushes again.

This was the fifth time he'd flung himself from his saddle to vomit since they'd left the spot they'd stopped for lunch at. His stomach was rolling and turning itself inside out. This was the worst case of morning sickness he'd ever had.

He whipped his mouth with his handkerchief as he straitened, "I'm fine Heika," he replied mildly. However no sooner had he finished assuring his king that he was fine, that he bolted back into the bushes to vomit again.

"That's it we're going to the nearest town, we are going to find an inn, and you are going to see a healer. End of discussion, don't even bother trying to talk me out of it." His now 25 year old king said firmly.

~~~***~~~

The healer looked him over briskly, and Conrad tried and failed not to throw up again.

"Are you allergic to mushrooms?" the healer asked after a few minutes spent quietly examining him.

Conrad blinked startled by the question. "No why?"

The healer sighed, "this is just a bad case of food poisoning."

"What?"

~~~***~~~

"Thank you for coming," Yuri told the healer as he walked him to the door.

Conrart shrank back from the look Yozak was giving him, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. "Pardon me Heika, Lord Wolfram, but could you give Lord Weller and me a few minutes alone. We need to have a serious talk." Yozak said softly, his voice laced with steel.

Conrad shivered and gulped unconsciously, Yozak only used titles when he was being very serious, and he'd never once in more than a century of friendship called him 'Lord Weller' it just proved how furious he was with him.

Yuri and Wolfram – _when had he gotten here? _– nodded and left the room for the dining rooms.

For a moment Yozak just looked at him, really looked at him. Sadness, anger and concern burned in his ice blue eyes. "You're pregnant." It was a statement, not a question. "By the Great One Conrart, why didn't you tell me?!"

Conrad gapped at his friend before rising to his feet. "What was I supposed to say Yozak; I couldn't do that to you. You love your freedom I couldn't take it from you. What was I supposed to say anyway? Hay Yozak, you remember that night that we agreed never to speak of because it didn't happen? Well, we need to talk about it because I'm pregnant and I need help?!" he yelled.

"Yes Conrart," Yozak thundered back. "That is exactly what you where supposed to say! By the Great One! It takes two people to get pregnant. Did it never occur to you that I would be willing to help? That I may actually want to help?!"

~~~***~~~

Conrart groaned. _Oh Great One he ached. _Moving slightly he felt hands on his bare skin. He whimpered, and tried to open his eyes. However he soon found that he couldn't – it felt like his eyelids had been weighed down with led.

Something cold was being pressed against his forehead, and across the rest of his body. The ground underneath him was cold and hard, but still he felt like he was burning alive.

_What the hell? What was going on? Why couldn't he move? Why did his eyes feel so heavy? _

"_I brought the water." Yuri's voice was oddly distant. "Will he be okay?"_

"_If Wolfram get's back soon he should be." Yozak's voice replied over the sound of falling water._

He was hit with a wave of something really, really cold.

_Winter river water, _he realized distantly. Yozak had just doused him with cold water from the river, though he'd avoided his face. For a moment it felt like he was going to freeze to death, then the odd burning sensation was back. He was so tired.

After a minute he drifted back into the darkness.

~~~***~~~

Conrart moaned and opened his eyes. He noted the ceiling above his head with some surprise. _Hadn't they been outside before?_ The sound of water pouring into still more water, drew his attention, and he turned his head. Yozak was sitting beside him on the bed ringing a rag out into a basin of water.

"Y-Yo-Yozak?" he managed a hoarse whisper after a few seconds of trying.

Yozak offered him a small smile, and gently mopped his forehead with the rag in his hand, before letting it come to rest just above his eyes. "Hey," he said quietly. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Not surprising," Yozak replied softly, pulling the covers up more closely around Conrad's shoulders. "You almost died a few days ago, and you still have a pretty high fever."

"Wha-?" Conrad's reply was less then coherent.

"Did you know you're allergic to mushrooms?" Yozak asked flippantly.

Conrart blinked, allergic to mushrooms? That couldn't be right, he'd always loved mushrooms, and he and Yozak had eaten them many times to stay alive. _Since "_when?" he managed.

"I'm going to assume you mean 'since when'. Do you remember that time three years ago, when Yuri landed in Caloria and we went to go get him? When you had only just recovered from that bout with pneumonia?" He waited just long enough for Conrad to nod, before continuing. "You wound up with a bad case of food poisoning on the way back, and since there where mushrooms in what you ate, apparently it triggered the allergy. You'll be fine if you rest."

Conrad shook his head, almost franticly. "Was it all a dream?" He asked after a second.

"You'll have to tell me what you're talking about before I can answer that one." Yozak replied gently, aware of the fact that Conrad wasn't completely awake yet.

Slowly, haltingly, and blushing fiercely Conrart explained the truly weird things he'd been dreaming. While Yozak desperately tried to keep a straight face.

"First of all, men can't get pregnant," Yozak said mildly once Conrad had finished his story, gently he removed the wet rag, soaked it and rung it out again, before gently placing it back on Conrart's forehead and continuing. "Secondly that night 4 and a half years ago, never happened. I love you like a brother, always will. As for the really big bees – all I have to say is what the fuck?"

Conrart yawned. "Good," he whispered then added "I'm so tired. Stay with me?"

Yozak smiled, and gently settled himself down next to Conrart. "Go back to sleep."

~~~***~~~

A.N

Didn't see that one coming now did you?


End file.
